How Do I Keep the Faith When I’m So Damned Angry

 My title Happy New Year with the emphasis on Happy.  I have come to terms with my life and have let go of the notion that in order to be happy in life I would need to have a significant other.  I am finding my happiness within myself by just living my everyday life.  So I have stopped actively looking for a partner/man.  I know this is new and very early on, but just this week I have been out with various group of friends.  Invitations for many different  events, dinners, parties, vacations, brunch with Mass, care giving for grand kids and parents...  I have found life to be very amazing this year.  I believe that there really was a reason for my broke ankle and foot, it slowed me down.  I have been made to look at my life and embrace what comes my way and stop forcing events that are not to be.  I realize this post is kind of like my last one, but what it is is just continuous clarity in my mind.  I know that God has certainl...

 Dear Friends, I have been doing so much soul searching.  My soul searching has led me to embracing single life.  Not giving up dating but giving in.  I am giving in to God's plan not my own.   In my mind I was faced with a decision when Dick died in 2015.  The kids had been raised and out and on their own for a very long time at this point.  My job, my career had been as a full time caregiver to Dick and babysitting the boys full time.  With Dick gone and Evan about ready to start full time school what was I too do.?  I had a very limited resume if any but decided to try a job that I was not cut out for.  I eventually started working a small part time job at church after school child care program.  I then a couple years later, packed and sold my household, bought a small condo and moved to the area where the school was located.  I had decided as well to get on a dating site and had met some one.  Again, in my mind I ...

 A few weeks back I fell and broke my left foot and my right ankle which has/had me in a cast unable to drive and get around my own home.  I have had to depend on others for so very much.  I have had to have people picking me to drive to work, having meals made, picking up my mail and taking my garbage can out. So many wonderful friends and family have truly reached out and have helped me enormously! Thanksgiving for me is time with my family on whatever day we can make it happen.  This year we all got together when Son Dan from Seattle flew in.  It happened a week prior to Thanksgiving so I made no plans on the actual day even though I had generous invites from my sister Julie and Joe to join their family, my friend Sandy and Rick and their family and my parents to join them as well.  Because of no driving I declined.  But then yesterday my daughter Jackie and David called and said they had a huge turkey and fixings for Friday.  They would call g...

 It is not officially the "Holidays" but it is "Holiday Time" at my home starting this evening.  This evening I have my son Dan coming in from Seattle.  And then we are going to celebrate my grandson Aiden's 14th birthday at the local sushi place.  My daughter Jackie, David and Evan will also be joining us.  Plans then continue for a celebration when son Richard arrives Friday eve with his family where we will celebrate his 40th, which was on November, 1st, All Saints Day. David's 39th, Aiden's 14th, which were on the 13th of November and Bianca who turned 10 Oct 24th.  Along with birthdays we will tag on Thanksgiving.  We will have a roast, roasted veggies, stuffing and pumpkin pies.   I am overjoyed for this gathering!!  The last time I had all three of my children under my roof was 2 years ago, Thanksgiving.  We will be missing Emily and Sophia but Soph is not quit old enough to receive a covid vaccine so better they wait it out ...

 I am preparing to start my next chapter.  I have learned contentment and I now believe I have found my purpose.  Yeah!  Finally!! This is kind of a long unbelievable story but I am going to write about it anyway.  The other night I was sleeping soundly and then I woke to a voice saying Aunt Ginny and her rag dolls ,that was all.  Well I have not thought about those dolls for decades.  I all but forgot about them.  When I was a little girl, my dad's Aunt would make these beautiful doll for me and my sisters.  Yarn hair, cute smiles and adorable dresses.  Anyway, after waking up to those words, I decided to look up patterns, found a  very cute one with adorable dolls on the internet.  I then ordered it to be delivered this Thursday. My parents were over visiting and filled them in on my story as well.  So then on Thursday while at work, I was talking to a seventh grade girl, and saw some drawlings of charactors she had draw...

 I am asking myself, what is it going to take?  I must be a slow learner.  I'm a very slow learner because I seemed to just keep making the same damned mistakes over and over again.  So what is it going to take??  I am learning that there are consequences to my dumb behavior.  So I keep dating men but I seem to jump into these relationship much too quickly.  I do know what I doing wrong but I don't listen!  This last guy who I met on match lived way too far away and I knew it.  He persuaded me that it would all work out, that we could work out the distance issue, so I said, like a dummy, OK.  Bottom line it didn't work out and I am now kicking myself.  I want to start over even though my head is saying take a break already.   When your head is strongly telling you one thing and you refuse to listen there will be consequences.  I won't go into all of those on here because I already know but just please listen to yourse...

 Content - means being in a state of peaceful happiness.  What a beautiful emotion to obtain. I have been seeking contentment for a very very long time.  I can get very close at times achieving my goal.  I truly feel now that I'm closer to it than I have ever been.  But I have had to put in of hard work.  So much!   The problem is I am realizing that I have never truly know myself.  I have had no idea what my content self would look like or for that matter feel like.  If you asked me very simple questions as to what I like I could answer ten different ways before I really know if I like something or not.  Sounds confusing?  Welcome to my world. Welcome to a look into what makes me tick!  I'm sure many people struggle with decisions but for me I look at every situations from every angle and I still struggle on what I want or desire in order to bring me to contentment.  I have most definitely found that I am able to be ...

 Well hello out there on this frigid Monday morning in January!!  Things are going fabulous in my new condo.  I have had so much fun decorating and what I mean by decorating I mean having things updated.  I started with having the carpet pulled up and having fabricated wood floors installed in the main living area, office and stairs.  Buying outdoor furniture for the patio, landscaping the back yard area and now having the upstairs painted.  All big projects but is giving the place a much needed face lift.  Much like what I feel like I could use at about this age... lol I believe I have mentioned my "boyfriend" in the past.  He was suppose to be joining me in the condo journey but he has since decided that he really does like living on his own and enjoys his own home way more than he thought and moving in with me isn't going to work for him.  I must tell you that I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was a bit disappointed in his decision for a...

 All Souls day.   All Soul's Day is the day we pray for the souls of the loved ones we have lost from this life. My morning started with Mass, remembering my loved ones who have pass this year, namely my Brother Jim, my friend Linda but also for those I have lost in the past, my brothers Mark and Paul and especially my husband Dick.   After Mass I went to the park for my walk and then to the graveyard to visit my husbands' grave.  What you don't realize is that in the last month I purchased a new headstone for the grave site that had a more pronounced vision of our last name memorializing Dick.  This is a dual stone for us as a couple as I have often felt the other headstone left me with a lonely type feeling for my husband. To my surprise upon arriving and driving toward the site I saw what looked like the new stone which indeed it was.  It was a magnificent sight and really filled me with joy.