Making sense of suffering
Making Sense Of Suffering was the title of the chapter in the book I have been reading daily. The book is titled "Rediscovering Jesus" by Matthew Kelly. Everyday I read one chapter as recommended in the book and then ponder the reading and question at the end. So the point to ponder today: Suffering transforms us in unimaginable ways.
Let me just stop there, Looking at my suffering through my eyes, I have had a difficult year. I had made bad choices so I thought. As it turns out I'm now not too sure about that; this may have been just what I needed to see more clearly.
You see, with having this difficult year I have beat myself over the fact that I quite my job which left me with too much time on my hands leaving me extremely lonely. What do I/we do when we are bored or lonely?? We try to fill our time so it goes quicker.
This is what my life had always looked like, being on a treadmill. Not by my choice, for years I would get up at the crack of dawn, I would get Dick up and ready for the day, take care of the kids, exercise, work a part time job, come home get dinner out, do homework, baths, volunteer work, house and yard work, etc. and then do it all again the next day not taking a moment to realize what I ever had to deal with or be depressed about.
So when Dick died, without thinking, I attempted to fill my days, with watching grandkids, volunteering, working and exercise. Until the dreaded day when I quite my job. Since I had sold my house months earlier that eliminated so much of my busy day. My plan there was to minimize and free up some time. Little did I know that I would be sitting in a boring condo all day doing nothing but some menial tasks and exercising to fill my days. My evenings, no problem, there are always things to do but my days. . the judgement I felt from friends and family has really been causing me angst. This time allowed me much more time for going to Mass, reading, meditating and prayer.
So at Mass this morning, the gospel LK 5:12-16 ended with the last verse being 5:16, "but he would withdraw to a deserted place to pray." And father decided to focus the entire homily on this verse. Do we ever just take that time to pray in a quiet setting? and my answer was, Yes. That is all I've been doing and this is when it all came together for me; Making Sense of Suffering. I had been looking at my lonely, quite time like oh poor lonely me. What this time has actually done for me was it allowed me the grieving time I honestly really needed to ponder everything from Dick's accident to his death. It gave me the true time I needed to really have a relationship with Jesus Christ. To reflect and prepare me for what ever lies ahead in my future a future only God knows.
I attended a seminar on "Passion" and "Purpose" given Matthew Kelly. Life is Choices. "My Lord God. I have no idea where I'm going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end nor do I really know myself. . . But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem lost. . . I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." Thomas Merton
In the book Rediscover Jesus, the VERSE to live: "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurances and endurances produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4
And with that, the QUESTION to consider: Are you willing to suffer a little in order to grow spiritually?" PRAYER:Jesus teach me to embrace the unavoidable suffering of life, and keep me ever mindful of those who suffer more than I do.
Let me just stop there, Looking at my suffering through my eyes, I have had a difficult year. I had made bad choices so I thought. As it turns out I'm now not too sure about that; this may have been just what I needed to see more clearly.
You see, with having this difficult year I have beat myself over the fact that I quite my job which left me with too much time on my hands leaving me extremely lonely. What do I/we do when we are bored or lonely?? We try to fill our time so it goes quicker.
This is what my life had always looked like, being on a treadmill. Not by my choice, for years I would get up at the crack of dawn, I would get Dick up and ready for the day, take care of the kids, exercise, work a part time job, come home get dinner out, do homework, baths, volunteer work, house and yard work, etc. and then do it all again the next day not taking a moment to realize what I ever had to deal with or be depressed about.
So when Dick died, without thinking, I attempted to fill my days, with watching grandkids, volunteering, working and exercise. Until the dreaded day when I quite my job. Since I had sold my house months earlier that eliminated so much of my busy day. My plan there was to minimize and free up some time. Little did I know that I would be sitting in a boring condo all day doing nothing but some menial tasks and exercising to fill my days. My evenings, no problem, there are always things to do but my days. . the judgement I felt from friends and family has really been causing me angst. This time allowed me much more time for going to Mass, reading, meditating and prayer.
So at Mass this morning, the gospel LK 5:12-16 ended with the last verse being 5:16, "but he would withdraw to a deserted place to pray." And father decided to focus the entire homily on this verse. Do we ever just take that time to pray in a quiet setting? and my answer was, Yes. That is all I've been doing and this is when it all came together for me; Making Sense of Suffering. I had been looking at my lonely, quite time like oh poor lonely me. What this time has actually done for me was it allowed me the grieving time I honestly really needed to ponder everything from Dick's accident to his death. It gave me the true time I needed to really have a relationship with Jesus Christ. To reflect and prepare me for what ever lies ahead in my future a future only God knows.
I attended a seminar on "Passion" and "Purpose" given Matthew Kelly. Life is Choices. "My Lord God. I have no idea where I'm going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end nor do I really know myself. . . But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem lost. . . I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." Thomas Merton
In the book Rediscover Jesus, the VERSE to live: "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurances and endurances produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4
And with that, the QUESTION to consider: Are you willing to suffer a little in order to grow spiritually?" PRAYER:Jesus teach me to embrace the unavoidable suffering of life, and keep me ever mindful of those who suffer more than I do.
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