How Do I Keep the Faith When I’m So Damned Angry

I hardly know where to start, the last few days have not only being amazing as far as the weather but just the interactions and activities with various people in my life and world.  Like I said I don't really know where to start so I will start with Friday night dinner.  My boyfriend Albert and I had my parents over for dinner because my dad was preparing my fishing rod for the fishing contest to take place the following day at some friend's lake.  We had a fun night sharing stories and my parents got to know Albert a little bit better. The following day started with my grandson Evan's soccer game, fun as always and then off to the fishing say.  I had never fished.  I had been invited to this event year after year and have always "passed" because fishing just was not my thing.  I tried for a half a second to cast a rod down in Tennessee at my sister Janie's lake house but I didn't really get the  hang of it and caught nothing.  Anyway, we headed ...

What a glorious morning!  I woke early which was fine, I had slept well.  Today was the first all school Mass for the boys.  It was a very good Mass.  Father asked all teachers to raise their hands and then he asked all students to do the same.  But his message had a twist, Father went on to tell the congregation that we are all teachers and students because we all learn from each other!  I thought this was very cleaver because I know that I continue to learn new things every day from the people around me and that is what Father  was saying that you will learn from other but we also teach each other by example. It is amazing how one simple thought can teach a child, adult, grandparent to look at something so simple and have you look at it in a new light.  I know as a parent we are constantly trying to teach our children new behaviors and rules but I love filling it around and letting them be in charge of the teaching.  Hopefully it teaches ...

Today's reading from 1 Thessalonians 2:1-8 teaches us about learning from our humiliations and then proclaiming the good news of God.  two years ago was one of much humiliation at my own hand and by the bad chooses I made.  By the grace of God, I took a year of reflecting and much needing soul searching to find me and what I wanted and needed to do with my life.  My bad year ended by heading on a trip with my lifelong best friend and this lead me to meet the man who was captured my heart. I have found the perfect soul mate for me simply by putting my journey in Gods hand.  God knows what is best for us if we would only surrender the control.  Albert and I have only been together for a short time.  In this short period of time I have found a man who is kind, patience, caring and extremely loving.  This past week we have been spending time with his family and with mine.  Last Wednesday my day to watch my two grandson's, ages 11 and 8, I decided to...

I just celebrated my 60th Birthday including all of my family and friends.  What a special evening spent at the Great American Ballpark watching the Cincinnati Reds.  This was directly off of my trip to Seattle to meet my newest grandchild Sophia Alana Zeinner in Seattle.  I traveled out to Seattle spending 9 days with my son Dan's family and helping out with new baby where ever I could.  Dan then traveled back home with me to be at my celebration.  I dropped him off at the airport this morning to reunite with Emily and Sophia which he was more than excited to do.  Bittersweet at its finest because it is so wonderful to see my last child married and with a child of his own.  I could not be more blessed, all three children, working, married, home, and families!!  My dad, 87, was also able to attend the celebration along with 3 sisters, nieces and nephews, and all of my couple friends. I am also feeling blessed meeting a fabulous man 5 months ago ...

Busyness Prayer - Lord, In the busyness of life, slow me down.  In the noisiness of life, give me silence. In the confusion of life, give me clarity. In the emptiness of life, fill me with your grace. I need these reminders daily.  As we do get so caught up in life, asking the Lord for the help we need can be put on the back burner at times. The prayer continues- Deliver me Lord from anxieties and fear. Keep me safe from the dangers that surround me. Help me carry the crosses life gives me. In my life I have found that the Lord has been beside me in all my fears, anxieties and crosses.  I would not be able to navigate this crazy life without the aide of my belief in God our Almighty father. Last verse- With you in my heart, I will always have love.  With you in my mind, I will always know the truth. With you in my soul, I will always have peace. Amen My last year was not an easy one.  I was facing the mourning of Dick, finally, even his accident from m...

Today I am feeling somewhat happy and joyful anticipating my weekend because it is a  very busy one but I am also feeling a void.  I am heading to the symphony and lunch tomorrow with Jackie and the boys and then out for the evening with my friends Diane and Lloyd. Sunday is Mass and Basketball, Superbowl and even my Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are all completely busy until I leave for FL on Sunday.  But I still have that void that everyone is telling me that "you will be just fine without" and that is having one special person in my life.  I have given up on dating now for a month due to my horrible self esteem issues but I feel like this is one void in my life that can only be filled from having a loving man in my life.  I love everyone in my life so much but I can just feel in my heart and soul that something is missing.

I have been enjoying the cold because schools have been cancelled which means I have been spending a lot of time with my grand boys.  We have been spending time visiting great grandma & grandpa, baking, playing many games, going to the museum center and more.  Nothing give me more purpose than being a caregiver. This has always been my identity and occupation.  I truly do enjoying this role in life. OK, well since the boys are still here, I got to go.....I'm needed

I am learning that every conversation, and I mean every should be spoke with Joy and Love.  I have heard and said it many times that you never know what someone else is going through.  As many of you who know me know that I have low tolerance for people who do things that seem inconsiderate and annoying.  I have a low tolerance especially when I am not  in the mood to deal with people.  So in the grocery store I may see someone I know but if I'm not feeling it I duck and dive to another aisle. My condo is a great example of the people who I am having a difficult learning to tolerate.  I will spare you the details but it has been loud, dirty and irritating.  I spoke to one neighbor, who lives underneath me yesterday, as kind as I could I asked her if there is a completion date of the construction they are  working on and she simple said we are doing it ourselves so no.  In my defense this has been going on now for 7 months.  So I walked...

I had a very good week last week even though we have been having very brrrrr weather.  With the weather causing bad outdoor conditions it has forced me to use my gym membership that I have on back up but hardly ever use because I love the outdoors.  So now I am getting accustom to my gym and the machines and enjoying it.  I feel like I am actually using different muscle and getting a good workout. I have spent a lot of good time with my girlfriends, sisters, parents, going to Mass, volunteering and watching my grandson Aiden play basketball.  So I have been keeping busy interacting (trying to spend less money and shop less).  I am thinking of either more travel, more volunteering, (I have applied for a p/t job) and I'm always open to watching the gr.kids more often.  I could possibly start picking them up from school to watch them until Jac picks them up after work.    I am exciting to be leaving the cold and heading to Fl in a couple weeks....

I am having an overwhelming feeling right now of accomplishment as a mother.  Yesterday my youngest son Dan with his wife Emily have moved into their new home.  Baby soon to come!!  This is my third child to have started a career, married with family, and purchased a home.  So I say to myself that even though I have never really had a career of my own so to speak I can say that the one thing that I did set out to do I did proudly. I am very proud of the three children Dick and I have born and raised.  All three are good and wonderful people in their own ways.  All are faith-filled, all on different personnel journeys but are making me one proud mama.  Dick would definitely be proud of our kids.  We had made a conscience choice before we had our children that I would not work outside of our home but I would stay home and raise them.  We also planned to have them close in age so that at some point, the point where they were in full time sch...

 Good day here, dad had some minor surgery everything went well he is home and comfortable.  I was glad to be here to help out running pharmacy to the  up his meds etc.  Then I went on to the park, 27° and did 4 miles.  It was very brisk but I did it. My thoughts for today were inspired my another podcast.  I am not usual of a fan of the thought; do you.  It just goes against my grain, I usually like to think of others first.  But what this talk was about was discovering in yourself the time of the day when you are most productive and in what setting.  This is actual easy for me to answer, I do best in the morning and when it is quiet.  I am very much early to bed early to rise.  I know this about myself that if I veer off of my ideal schedule it throws me and I just don't accomplish everything that I want. The other note I took away from the podcast was to stop letting yourself feel guilt because of what others are accomplishin...

I believe that we all spend time listening to the little voices in our minds.  Some of us probably spend more time on this than others.  With me "between jobs" or "retirement" or whatever you want to call it, I know that I am guilty of probably spending a fair amount of time on this recreational activity.  In the past, when I take my hour walk/runs at the park or spend time in the gym, I turn on my playlist.  I have always had a great deal of country music on and have often thought while listening to Luke Bryan or Thomas Rhett, this is picture perfect love and thought to myself I have it all together this dating thing shouldn't be that difficult.  Well, I'm not having luck in this department.  My point is I have been listening to the wrong messages, the wrong voices. I have changed this up in the last few weeks, perhaps a month now, I have been reading and listening to motivation speakers.  This started when I met a (married) man randomly at a bar ...

Making Sense Of Suffering was the title of the chapter in the book I have been reading daily.  The book is titled "Rediscovering Jesus" by Matthew Kelly.  Everyday I read one chapter as recommended in the book and then ponder the reading and question at the end.   So the point to ponder today:  Suffering transforms us in unimaginable ways. Let me just stop there,  Looking at my suffering through my eyes, I have had a difficult year.  I had made bad choices so I thought.  As it turns out I'm now not too sure about that; this may have been just what I needed to see more clearly. You see, with having this difficult year I have beat myself over the fact that I quite my job which left me with too much time on my hands leaving me extremely lonely.  What do I/we do when we are bored or lonely?? We try to fill our time so it goes quicker.  This is what my life had always looked like, being on a treadmill.  Not by my choice, for years ...

Wishing you a Happy New Year, 2019!!   I have never been a huge fan of the "New Year Resolution".  My mantra is more on the lines with just strive to make good choices in my thoughts, words and actions.  I absolutely try to stick with what is already working in my life but its the things that are out of wacke that I attempt to correct.  I try to own my mistakes and I had made some biggies in the past year. I am not going to re-hash all my bad choices on here I just have to know what they were, own them and move forward.  I have to set goals and hit them.  One is moving forward in my spiritual life and growth in my relationship with my Lord.  I pray that this is one relationship I don't mess up.  Happily this is one that seems to be on course. My volunteer life makes me extremely happy.  I love going and interacting with all the folks I work with and am there to help.  This is a positive for sure at this time of my life. I love ...