How Do I Keep the Faith When I’m So Damned Angry

Awwwww, Thanksgiving and I'm feeling Thankful, Happy and Blessed!!!  The Happiest time of my year.  I am looking out my living room door windows on to the little frosted over lake, just a dusting of snow, simple beautiful setting.  My last evening was  spent with one of my best friends Julie.  We had drinks here, we then headed to Cincinnati for dinner and a UC Bearcats Basketball game.  We had great conversation and just ran into to so many people we knew, that local small town feeling!!  At the very end of the game as we were readying to walk out I see my two cousins and their husbands and one son.  It is always so good to see them, lovely genuine people what you call the salt of the Earth.  We spoke, got caught up and hugged tightly.  My cousin Anne, who said, "I use to babysit you when you were little" said in my ear, "I still pray for you every day".  So wonderful to hear and know that people in this world are praying for you...

I feel like the ham & cheese is a sandwich!!   I am what they call the sandwich generation, where you are a caregiver to your parents and children or grandchildren at the same time.  But I have always been a caregiver.  I was the oldest girl in a family with 9 children so I was an automatic babysitter from the beginning of time.  I then worked as a volunteer with handicapped children every summer from the age of 9 until I was 18.  Then of course I took care of Dick and the grand boys.  Now,  I am living extremely close to my parents and I don't know, may perhaps waiting for the time they will need me.  I know that probably sounds extremely weird because it may seem like I am waiting around for something to happen but that is not the case at all.  The parents are great right now and I am able to do as I wish but I do hesitate on getting on with my life because I feel that someone is going to need me.  I am trying to work t...

This morning my mind is on toxic people that are in our lives, in my life and the big question I have is how to deal with them.  What do I mean by toxic, I think we all know that toxic means poisonous but what does this mean as far as relationships? This is easy as far as my dating life.  If I meet someone and see bad behavior patterns I am not going to continue dating that person.  I have no need to keep them in my life so I would obviously break off with that man and say goodbye. The next level would be friends.  Sometimes we develop friendships and really enjoy their company for a while or a long time.  Again, if that person was dragging you down, belittling or berating you, you certainly would need to reexamine this friendship as far as how often you would want to see or spend time with them. The most difficult relationships in our lives are our families.  When a member of the  family is toxic in your life do you ignore the behavior because t...

Last night at 11:30 pm, my Aunt Joan age 91 passed away after having a massive stroke earlier this week.  Joan was my mom's older sister, a woman who lead a wonderful Christian life and will be greatly missed especially by my cousin and her family.  91 years of living.  When I woke this morning and turned on the news, the broadcast was about another mass shooting taking the lives of 12 people way too early.  I have always been of the belief of rights in a free country but these séance  less shootings have been going on far too long with no control of who is behind an firearm.  This is not protecting ones self, target shooting or hunting this is open fire at innocent people for what reason.  This angers me beyond words!! Where is the regulation on who has access to these weapons?? I strongly believe that we need to get a message of peace not hatred out in these turbulent times.  Please join me in pray for peace in our most wonderful free countr...

Where does the time go?? I have had a very busy week.  I went from needed to create activities to I let time escape from my grasp. I definitely have been needing to talk to a professional regarding my lack of motivation but have always hesitated because the last time I tried to do this right after Dick passed, the person just wasn't a good fit for me.  So I went the  other day with hopefully an opened mind and I feel she was hitting a lot of my issues pretty much on spot. The message that I took away the other day after she listened to a small part of my story is that I have so much experience as a caregiver with a lack of educational opportunities to take it anywhere as far as a career in the eyes of society.  This is very important because she saw in the course of an hour that I have enough life time caregiving that I could share or counsel others. I probably also have enough to be a RN if not a DR.  She said to truly do anything as far as leading a group,...

With the start of fall upon us, I can think of nothing other than Thanksgiving.  This has always been my family's favorite holiday.  I feel that we were always taught to be thankful, good times and bad.  Thanking God for all our many blessings but today I was truly reminded of this while reading an article in the Catholic Telegraph.  I read an article written by Jeanne Hunt titled Grumpy hateful or humble grateful.  Well if nothing else the title caught my eye.  Jeanne goes on to write about 4 steps of gratitude.  I just want to stress here that this is my take away, I am not trying to rewrite what was  written here but jumping ahead to the fourth step, "No matter how difficult or mysterious our life gets, there is something to be grateful for.  Even when we do not feel like it, we should speak the words anyway.  This is the leap of faith.  Nothing shows our faith more than in those moments when we reach out to God in ...

Easy day, I am not having any deep thoughts today.  instead of taking a break because of this I am just going with a light subject. Enjoying the crisp chill in the air as I was walking in the park today.  For some reason, probably because when fall hits we all know that the dreaded deep freeze will be upon us too soon, the weather men are all warning us of how cold it's going to be this week with a teeth chattering looks on their faces.  Cover your plants, they warn!!!  All this ever means  to me is throw a scarf and gloves in the trunk of my car and bundle up, because a little cool weather will not stop me from getting outdoors!!  I truly love the outdoors and I enjoy when a little bit of chill reddens my checks while checking out the bright crimson leaves still clinging onto the trees.  I actually get a bigger smile on my face when greeting the "regulars", and they, in return, seem a bit perkier too. God knew what he was doing when creati...

Good Afternoon, I am writing this in the afternoon not because I got a late start but due to a busy morning.  I actually woke up super earlier than I wanted to which is turning out to be ok because I still have steam.  This is a good thing because I am suppose to meet with my friends tonight for a girl's night out dinner.  So I woke at 5am out of a bad dream and could not go back to sleep.  I made coffee and did laundry, and dishes and then got ready to go for the all school Mass the two of my grandson's attend.  Came home changed and did my 4 miles at the park.  Great morning .  Although I had a comment in my head all night that one of my friends shared with me told her by another mutual friend that I probably speak too often about things that are of no interest to the rest of our group.  Hummmm, I thought to myself, good to know, then I'm a little put off from the comment.  I always called at that moment to let these other girls know ...

Good Morning! Dictionary word of the day - mawkish lacking flavor or having an unpleasant taste, exaggeratedly or childish emotional It is a crisp fall morning and before I set out for my daily walk in the park I thought I would jot down my thoughts reeling around in my brain. A never ending occurrence. The last month I had been highly anticipating meeting this man I had met on the on-line dating site Match. I have been doing this for quit a while now with no true fits for me. This guy, I was really looking forward to meeting, just ended on the weekend like many of the others because they don't seem to want to date just me. We start dating, meeting one another's various friends and families and then things just seem to fizzle out. I am finding out so much about myself in this process. I am truly looking for a life partner and most of the men that I am choosing to date say that at first but they continue to look for the next person. Sometimes it makes me feel that I...

When events happen in life the trend is to "talk to someone" to help you through rough times. When I was growing up in the '60's &and '70's, I experienced many life altering events that would shake many to the core. We were taught that the time of these happens to pray and basically "get on with life". I know now that I probably would or could have benefited from having some type of council sessions, especial at a young age. As young kids, it can be difficult to navigate through "adult" type situations and just end up being okay. I believe, in my life, I have experienced an overwhelming and most unusual amount of these type events. Most people, I would image, experience "hard times", but in my life they came fast and furious, with no outside help. I was taught and still believe in God and prayer as the ultimate answer and place to turn when in need of help. I always give all the praise to the Almighty for all I have an...

I'm back, that is at least for today! I have been inspired this week to finally ,start back on my thoughts. The other day I was given a book by a friend, his friend wrote it. The book contains the random thought of this man who likes to inspire people to get their life going in a positive direction. My friend did not give it to me because he thought I needed that, in fact I hardly knew him, but his name was mentioned in the book and he wanted me to have a copy. The thoughts are honestly him rambling on about just about anything and although I don't agree with everything he is saying there were a few valid points of view that stood out. The main one being, "do something" make a plan for your day, your week. And I quote "Keep busy, jam your day with appointments talking to strangers and you will always have a growing client base." This particular quote was obviously directed to someone with a company but it is still inspiring to anyone or at least it c...