Unsolicited Advice
I know and it is true that everyone of my friends and family mean well; they have my best interest at heart. Everyone I have ever surrounded myself with or have let into my life are the best of the best darn people. I love them all very much, if ever I questioned anyone or their motives I would have cut them out of my life. While talking to my sister today, realizing I was starting to complain I came to the conclusion that these people only said these things because they do care about me. The unsolicited advice issue, happens to us all. Sometimes people think if you are sharing a problem you invited them to give their opinion. The things I'm talking about were three separate incidents that occur just this week.
The first one was a random message on my phone from a dear friend regarding a job she had heard about. No big deal really because she did said if you aren't interested just disregard. the only real reason I took offense to this is because she called from my church the other week but I thought she was just calling to see how I was doing after losing my husband, but she was on the committee for the church fund raising to build a new church. Well I did share some of my current finance issue with her, so she really only meant well in sharing the job information.
The second was also a phone call from a good friend, we spoke for a while about how things were going in her life and in mine as you would normally do when speaking with your friend; sharing. But then all of a sudden, out of the blue this friend shares with me that she thinks that I look good and she doesn't feel that I look too thin... Excuse me,? Wow, I didn't really see this coming. I know that I have lost some weight since Dick's illness and death, but I feel great, eating well and never really thought about it. I really did not know what to say, so I was a bit defensive in saying well I do not recommend losing your husband in order to lose weight.
Thirdly, and this one really knocked me for a loop, a very good long time friend of both Dick and I came out to access some yard work that a group of the guys asked and offered to do for me.; I did not ask or approach them about this but I am definitely more than happy to except any help I can get in this area. There are just some things in this yard that I can not do by myself. I wasn't as offend as much as just taken a back with his comment. Just that once they got it cleaned up I really did need to have a plan to sell the place...I had seriously never even considered selling this house at least not any time in the near future. It is one thing to get a job, gain some weight etc. in the first few months but sell my house?? The house that my husband had built for us and our family 31 years ago.?? The main advice that I have heard is do not make any huge decisions in the first year after your husbands' death.
In conclusion, my advice to you...is if someone that you love and they love you and are speaking from the heart, not coming from a bad place, offer up unsolicited advice, listen. Don't become defensive, just listen and take it in, you just never know it may be something you where meant to hear. Like a little birdie whispering a message in your ear....
The first one was a random message on my phone from a dear friend regarding a job she had heard about. No big deal really because she did said if you aren't interested just disregard. the only real reason I took offense to this is because she called from my church the other week but I thought she was just calling to see how I was doing after losing my husband, but she was on the committee for the church fund raising to build a new church. Well I did share some of my current finance issue with her, so she really only meant well in sharing the job information.
The second was also a phone call from a good friend, we spoke for a while about how things were going in her life and in mine as you would normally do when speaking with your friend; sharing. But then all of a sudden, out of the blue this friend shares with me that she thinks that I look good and she doesn't feel that I look too thin... Excuse me,? Wow, I didn't really see this coming. I know that I have lost some weight since Dick's illness and death, but I feel great, eating well and never really thought about it. I really did not know what to say, so I was a bit defensive in saying well I do not recommend losing your husband in order to lose weight.
Thirdly, and this one really knocked me for a loop, a very good long time friend of both Dick and I came out to access some yard work that a group of the guys asked and offered to do for me.; I did not ask or approach them about this but I am definitely more than happy to except any help I can get in this area. There are just some things in this yard that I can not do by myself. I wasn't as offend as much as just taken a back with his comment. Just that once they got it cleaned up I really did need to have a plan to sell the place...I had seriously never even considered selling this house at least not any time in the near future. It is one thing to get a job, gain some weight etc. in the first few months but sell my house?? The house that my husband had built for us and our family 31 years ago.?? The main advice that I have heard is do not make any huge decisions in the first year after your husbands' death.
In conclusion, my advice to you...is if someone that you love and they love you and are speaking from the heart, not coming from a bad place, offer up unsolicited advice, listen. Don't become defensive, just listen and take it in, you just never know it may be something you where meant to hear. Like a little birdie whispering a message in your ear....
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