How Do I Keep the Faith When I’m So Damned Angry

This feeling is really nothing new, I have been down this road before, numerous times. Some days this can get so overwhelming. I am only talking from my perspective not my husbands because I don't even try to compare what he is living. Dick is having a extremely rough time of it and then so am I. Very difficult to watch the man that you fell in love with 37 years ago to go through a life of just surviving and staying comfortable as possible. This is and yet, is not the man I fell in love with and this is where I struggle. I feel very sad at this time, since he has dementia and Parkinson's along with being quadriplegic, he is living consumed by his body along. So he has no idea of what is going on around him. There is no JOY here in the holidays, he hasn't a clue what is going on or what day it is. So sad and I feel very guilty because I want to live and love life. I feel as I am getting older that time is slipping through my fingers like the old clique, sand slippi...

Here I am again, almost a year later. I guess I'm so busy living life I never take the time to sit down and write. Plus, I haven't had a computer that worked for a while. So excited to finally have a new laptop!! I have really been enjoying the grandchildren. It is really amazing how a new generation can really breath new life into your mundane boring life. I just love hearing about what they are learning in school, who their friends are, going to soccer games, birthday parties etc. I thought I would be so relieved to be finished running kids around to all their events, I and I am to a certain extent, but now I just love going to the grandkids stuff whenever I want!!! This year has been one of great excitement for our family. Our youngest son Dan, who lives many states away from our home in Ohio, married his girlfriend of four years in June. It took a bit of planning but somehow I was able to get my entire family out to California to attend their beautiful wedding. ...

Cold Weather. Keeps us in the house and longing for Baseball season in this house. We are shut in and isolated much of winter. Difficult to get the husband out during the winter months. Sometimes it's so cold it makes taking my walks impossible. Hubby has such bad circulation that he he's nothing but cold in his arms and legs. But he never wants to miss going to Mass. Tomorrow he'll won't even be able to attend since we are experiencing record lows, ice and snow. I will have him bundle up next to the fire place watching football with a big pot of soup on the stove. The holidays. This time of the years has always been very difficult for me. When I was 19 yrs old my 22yr old brother Mark was killed in a car accident two days after Christmas. The year Dick and I were to be married in just six months with Mark as one of the attendants. 8 yrs later, after Dick had his accident, getting to both sides of the family with three very young children, with gifts and ...