The Neverending Rollercoaster Of My Life

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To my brother and sisters. Please accept my apology for going back to my addiction. Again I took my family for granted. I may never get recovered from this disease. I may and could end up like Paul. Though I am always with Christ. On a good note I am at River ***** Rehab. It is a very strict program. We do treatment 16 hours a day, 6 hours of sleep. Our core philosophy is (Acceptance) you can get kicked out of here for having your shirt untucked or your bed not made. It is mostly for behavior modification. I still won't give up on my recovery. I am very resiliant. I might fail again and again, but we all must continue to support each other. We are all human and this disease could strike any of us, God forbid. If you decide not to have anything to do with me, I will be fine, and I will always pray for you. In Jesus, If you want to write:

Right now I'm working on helping me, I have to learn and teach myself to concentrate caring for me, not you and not my brother! I feel so extremely guilty even writing this but facing this is the only I'll ever feel good and become healthy. I have to turn away from helping everyone and worring about everyone. I have to learn how to turn off that switch. It kills me and tomarrow I may be running to help him, but I know right now what is right for me. Once I open the door to him and let him back in it's all over. this so goes against my grain, everything I believe and stand for, but I have to do this for me. Pray for me!

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