Am I alive??

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I am wondering if I am alive. I am starting to feel again. I have not felt this for four to five years I can;t remember how many years it's been but whenever I had my breakdown in Fl. I have been dead for so many years, and have not wanted to be alive. I cannot tell you what has happened but all of I sudden I want to live life again. I want to do things and feel again. I am scared because I don't know if this feeling is going to last. I am afraid that I will wake up and want to die again. I know that there is so much to live for and then again I think it would be easier to just be gone. I know that this all sounds absurd but I go through so called "normal life" and then not being able to cope. I need help and prayers. I know that the world needs peace, and in mass today, the readings were about being a person that can bring peace to Earth. I would just love a little peace in myself. I was with my brother yesterday and really struggled weather to call him back and help him out, and then I thought, Why not? He may need to just touch base with family. Right now I feel like my whole family is totally diconnected from one another. Ever since Paul died I have had a very strange feeling about my entire family. Questions, questions, prayers, prayers. All I know is that I had to help my brother, be it right or wrong, I had to help. My friends have been relentless in invited me to be with them, and you know I relly do want to do stuff again. Pray for me.

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